Focus on the Many Things You Like (Not the One Thing You Don’t!)

The title of this post really says it all and is self-explanatory.  But, this concept was made crystal clear to me when I found myself focusing on one gift I received this holiday season that I didn’t like.  I had received so many wonderful gifts from various people and yet I was focusing on one “bad” gift.  This was only for a brief moment but it caught my attention.  Because this gift instance is a straight forward example, I was able to see the utter ridiculousness of putting our attention on what we don’t like or want.  Literally, surrounded by all these wonderful gifts and directing my attention at the one I didn’t like!

I realized how, as with the gifts, we have the choice to focus on one, or maybe even a few things, we don’t especially like or appreciate the multitude of other things we do like.  We can be (are!) surrounded by tons of good things – at times, they may seem like insignificant things, but they are good nonetheless – and miss them because we choose to emphasize the bad thing.

It’s pretty simple, so let’s not complicate it.  Do we want to dwell on the bad or good gifts?  What we put our attention and thoughts on determines how we feel.  The choice is ours.  (And remember, looking at the bad stuff won’t make it magically go away or improve.  See Law of Attraction and Joy)

What great gifts are all around you?

Be Happy When We Don’t Get What We Want!

I was feeling downright crappy when I didn’t get something that I really wanted.  After wallowing briefly, but intensely, I realized there must be some point to this.  With that non-judgmental thought, I opened to an insight.

It’s easy to be happy-go-lucky when we get everything we want and when things go our way.  As I mentioned in the last blog, during my Gratitude Experiment I realized I had to also be grateful when things didn’t go how I wanted.  This was one of those times – I had to be grateful –and also happy– despite not getting what I wanted.

Why?

Why be happy when we don’t get what we want?  Because things aren’t always going to go how we prefer.  Shit happens.  (Yes, even when we envision, go with the flow, pray, meditate, and connect to God.)  Being happy regardless of what we get or don’t get is the only way we can be in charge of our happiness; it’s the only way to not be victims of other people’s actions.  It’s the only way we can be free from having our feelings dictated by other people and circumstances.  They are our feelings.

If we are only happy when a specific outcome occurs, then we’re stuck; we’re dependent, we’re not free; we’re in emotional jail dependent on others to let us out.

Another reason is if we get stuck in a bad mood we won’t notice or appreciate when something good enters our lives, like a new opportunity or rendezvous with a helpful person or even merely the beauty that already surrounds us.  We won’t see these things because we’re too busy being dark, sad, pitiful, blaming others, going around saying how bad life is.  We can’t see the good stuff when we’re in ‘life sucks’ mode.

How?

How can we be happy when we don’t get what we want?  Let’s not pussyfoot around.  This can be difficult.  It can be excruciatingly painful when we don’t get what we want.  Everything inside us feels like we want to throw a 2 year old temper tantrum!  But, don’t do that.  Or rather, throw a momentary tantrum, get it all out and really let loose!  And then, accept things and get to the business of getting happy despite the circumstances.  Here’s some ideas:

  • Turn our focus on things we do like.
    • Say things like, ‘Even though I didn’t get x, I already have y which I enjoy.’
    • List random things that we like and appreciate.
    • Recognize that not getting this particular thing, didn’t take away all our other good stuff.
  • Deliberately look at what good came –or can come– from not getting this thing. This was highlighted in a previous post.  But, in a nutshell, when we know and see what we don’t want, we more clearly know what we do want. Also, we can see it as an opportunity for personal growth.  ‘What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ can be a corny adage, but it’s exceedingly true!  We can also learn what not to do or how to do something better from our or others’ mistakes or flaws.
  • Be aware that we can’t see the full picture. God may have bigger, better vision and objectives for us.  This “mishap” may lead to that.  We’ve got to remain open-minded, and not think we know the one and only thing or path that is best for us.  I love this parable on this subject:
This farmer had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to console him over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is so terrible?”
A month later, the horse came home–this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer’s good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “What makes you think this is good fortune?”
The farmer’s son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “What makes you think it is bad?”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “What makes you think this is good?” said the farmer.

 

So, let’s not get fixated on what we think we “know for sure” will make us happy.  Allow some space in there for the Universe to work its magnificence.

Then, every time that crappy feeling comes back about not having what we want – and it probably will- do the above again and feel grateful for the opportunity given to feel true freedom.

Law of Attraction and Joy

I haven’t written much in the Keys to Joy blog about the Law of Attraction.  Possibly because it may rub some people the wrong way.  But I’m okay with that now; to each their own.  Also, because it was quite pervasive for awhile.  It seemed like everywhere you turned, the buzz phrase, “Law of Attraction”, was written or said.  I think it got “old” fast and not fully understood.  Regardless, Law of Attraction is a very important part of my life and belief system.  Although it is only recently that I fully realized the high level of its importance.

Firstly, the definition of Law of Attraction is “like attracts like”.  We attract things into our lives with our thoughts and feelings, whatever is a match comes to us.  This is an oversimplified definition as there are many factors to consider such as, ego (limited perspective), intentions, past lives, everything is energy, the overall (rather than specific) vibration (energy) of things, etc.  Please read anything by Esther and Jerry Hicks (Abraham) for very in-depth information.  But this definition will suffice for what I’d like to get across in this post.

I was in a slump.  Thing after thing was bad and getting worse.  It started with being slightly annoyed with someone.  Rather than work through this by figuring out what it was reflecting in myself or focusing on something else, I let it bring me down emotionally.  My annoyance turned to anger.  From there, I fumed and fumed.  Thoughts about all things I didn’t like in my life seemed to percolate in my mind. Then I felt hopeless and full of despair.  Then the “real” evidence began to appear.  I got swamped with work I did not like, co-workers were not respecting me, my body had new aches and pains.  Fortunately, I had been doing inner work long enough to stop and ask what was going on with me, rather than simply blaming others and circumstances.  I used the affirmation – Only good will come from this.  And then asked, what was the good?

That’s when I realized the good was seeing how the Law of Attraction works in a real life example.  It also helped me to fully understand that the crap I was experiencing wasn’t because I was bad or unworthy of good.  It’s simply the Law of Attraction.  Abraham (Esther Hicks) says Law of Attraction is a very fair friend.  It always gives you exactly what you are a vibrational match to.  This can be a harsh point to face when our lives aren’t as we want them to be. But, Law of Attraction is responding to our feelings and energy, not what we say we want.

If we say we want a million dollars but most of the time we complain about not having enough money or wonder how we are going to pay a bill or be bitter or jealous towards those with a lot of money, the Law of Attraction is “hearing” our overall feeling of complaining, jealousy and distrust.  Those feelings are not a match to abundance.  We may be saying or even thinking we want a million dollars but then we feel otherwise.  And those feelings are much stronger than our words.  Consider this, we may be saying one thing, but deep down we are actually feeling the opposite.  And remember Law of Attraction is responding to what underlies our words, not the words themselves.

Fortunately, we have the ability to focus our attention.  It is absolutely, 100% our decision what we focus our thoughts on (it may seem difficult, especially in certain situations, but it is just one of those things where practice is key).  The Universe “hears” whatever we are focused on.  Even if we say we do not want something.  In our negation, we are focused on it and so it comes to us.  Just like an internet search – suppose you type in, “not polar bears”.  What that search will yield is tons of information about polar bears.  It’s not going to bring up everything not about polar bears.  And so it is with your thoughts and the universe. If you’re saying not polar bears, you actually are thinking about polar bears even though you don’t want them in your life, and polar bears is what you will get.

But how do we not think about what we don’t want?  It is very difficult, if not impossible, to make ourselves full-on stop thinking about something we are already thinking.  But by giving more attention to what we do want, we naturally flood out those unwanted thoughts.

We can also commit to paying more attention to what we are thinking. When we become more aware of our thoughts rather than just letting them fly haphazardly, we have the control to divert their direction.  To get started, put a reminder note – What am I thinking? – somewhere that you see often, or ask a friend to remind you every day, or ask the question during a routine activity so you link it to that daily activity, like showering, brushing your teeth, or eating dinner.

We can designate a specific time of day or activity where we focus on something specific we want.  First thing when we open our eyes, at noon, driving to work, waiting in line, during (muted) tv commercials are all opportunistic times to deliberately focus our minds on what we desire.

It has also been shown that those who practice meditation have an easier time focusing their thoughts.  Research has shown that the more we practice thinking a certain way, our neural pathways actually change.  So meditating will actually help us later to focus on what we want.  A couple of deep breaths with our attention on the breath is a type of meditation.  So no ego-excuses about not being able nor having time to meditate!

Remember to keep it fun! Or at least not a chore.  If focusing on what we want becomes chore-like, then our root feeling is negative which then cancels the entire focused thought process.

What fun, creative ways have you discovered that help you to keep focused on what you want?

Next post we’ll talk more about manifesting specific desires and the science behind it!

The List of Already Manifested Things

I have noticed, in the past, that when I didn’t get things that I wanted, there was a part of me that felt it was because I didn’t deserve them.  My somewhat subconscious thinking often went along the lines of, I didn’t get x, so I must not have deserved it.  On the other hand, when I did get things I wanted, I felt that I got them because I did deserve them.  Of course, this is all hogwash and I have wised up from this type of worthy vs. unworthy thinking.  But it did get me thinking.  Could there be some value in recalling things that we wanted and have already manifested?

Often after we get something we wanted, we take it for granted – at least we take for granted how badly we wanted it and how difficult it may have been to get it.  We get it and then we almost directly move on to the next wanted thing, probably already feeling dismal about not having it and becoming discouraged, antsy or even angered about not receiving it.  Rather than keep repeating this energy-draining cycle over and over by focusing on the next thing and the next thing, we can turn it around by putting our attention on what we have wanted and have already received.

This is another way to use our thoughts to increase our joy.  In doing this, it focuses our minds positively, rather than lamenting about what we want and have not yet received.  Remember, if our minds are left untended to, the ego will think negative, unworthy, incapable thoughts.

When we focus on and ponder a list of already manifested things (material, mental, emotional and spiritual things) we not only appreciate what we received, but we also feel the empowerment of our thoughts and actions.  In reminding ourselves that we did indeed get things we wanted, we are uplifted and empowered.  Just as we increased our self-worth by thinking good, kind thoughts about ourselves (click here for a review), this is another way to affirm our worth.  It is a way for us to see our strengths, capabilities and talents in action!

Then we can take and apply this hopefulness and empowerment to what we currently want.  We tell ourselves, ‘I did/received this, this, this, and this, surely I can do/receive this new thing, as well.’  We remind ourselves that we sometimes (or maybe every time) felt daunted or discouraged, at the start, when we wanted something. But it did not prevent the manifestation (although it may have held it up a bit!).  And so this time, rather than feeling overwhelmed or disheartened, we optimistically and enthusiastically anticipate the manifestation, remembering and being grateful for what we have already wanted and received.  Most importantly we remember and revel in our capabilities and worthiness along the way.

What have you wanted and already manifested?   Feel and know your power and worthiness as you recall everything on that list.  What new things do you want?  Remember your power and worth during the process as they make their way to you!