Good Things from Traumatic Experience, Part 2: The Kindness of Others

We live in a fear-filled, finger-pointing, antagonistic, mixed-up world right now.  So says the news.  But another good thing I got out of this traumatic experience (click here for Part 1), is that even though people strongly disagree with each other and it seems there is so much hate in the world, there also is so much love and kindness out there.

 Family and friends’ help was elemental in me not going completely bonkers during this traumatic event.  Of their kindness I was already aware; I’m extremely blessed, especially with family (including in-laws!).  But what warms my heart to no end and what I didn’t expect are the many people -barely even acquaintances- that showed up, gave gifts, offered to do whatever we needed, or sent their good blessings.  In addition, (most of) the nurses and hospital staff blew me away with their generosity of spirit.  I found that I cried more tears from touching acts of kindness than from the trauma itself.

For instance, one nurse gave me a hug at the exact right moment and said precisely the right words that made me know we would get through this.  Don wasn’t even in the room at that moment so that was definitely not part of her job duties.  It was simply her being exceptionally kind.

Another instance was when I went back to work.  I had found that a project that I had left in mid-session was picked up without me uttering any request for help.  No, it was not in a steal-my-job kind of way or with a looming deadline.  It was simply him being exceptionally thoughtful by helping me out.

Other kind acts: My neighbors walking our dog and letting her hang out at their house because she seemed “lonely”; Acquaintances somehow getting my email or phone number to say they are thinking of us; Hospital waiting room staff suggesting to me to keep my (many and heavy) personal items behind their desk so I don’t have to lug them around the hospital all day.

These things all seem very small and, possibly, inconsequential.  Especially in light of the major corrupt and immoral things we hear about and sometimes experience firsthand.  But, don’t let the ego trick you!  These seemingly small things can have great effects.

I know for me the small acts of kindness made me feel loved.  They also gave me motivation to be more kind and helpful myself.  And the effects need not be for one person; the ripple effects cannot be measured.  Heard of “Paying it forward?”  Urban Dictionary defines it as, “When someone does a good deed for you, instead of paying them back, pay it forward by doing a good deed for someone else.”  You experience a kind act, and therefore, are inspired to do a kind act for someone else and then they do a kind act and so on and so on.  A few small kind acts can easily be turned into –well, not to sound too corny but- changing the world.

Of course, there are cruel and ruthless actions all around the world.  But no matter what I read or see in the news and on social media, I know, without a doubt, that there are more kind and loving people in this world than not.  Don’t wait for a traumatic event to notice them and be one of them!

Good Things from Traumatic Experience, Part 1: Influence & Healing

This title sounds like an oxymoron.  But, I know from a personal recent traumatic event that it is not only possible but enormously beneficial.  (More on that in a minute…)  Just as I wrote in a previous post (Positive Lists About “Bad” Situations), when we find something good in a bad situation, it helps us to not stay stuck in the awful feelings, such as, suffering, dread, anxiety, victimhood, fear, or anger.  When we feel negative emotions, it does not help anyone.  We can’t feel bad enough to make someone feel better or to make better circumstances happen for someone.  Our good feelings and actions, however, can help someone.

This I know because my husband recently had emergency heart bypass surgery.  Scary, shocking, painful, stressful, devastating, traumatizing, horrific.  For him and myself (in different ways) it was all those bad feelings and more.  But, the purpose of this series of posts is not to describe the details of just how dreadful it all was.  The point is that I got some good –I mean, really amazing– realizations out of the trauma and recognized the huge benefit of focusing on those rather than dwelling on the awfulness.

This post is specifically about the influence people have on others.  For instance, during the hospital stay, I started noticing how Don’s physical status would change based on the personality of the nurse.  If she or he was grumpy or pessimistic, he’d stay where he was or get worse.  When the shift would change and the new nurse was optimistic and lighthearted, he’d almost instantly show improvements physically and he had hope.  I was amazed –and frightened– of that power!

I soon realized I couldn’t leave his physical improvement up to a random nurse that I had no control over.  I was with him more often than not, so I had to be the upbeat, loving, optimistic, light, and happy one.  And so, that’s what I did despite feeling scared, exhausted, angry, sad, and confused.

I was optimistic about him getting better.  But I also had a general upbeat mood. Additionally, I spent a lot of time distracting him.  Nobody wants to sit around 24/7 talking about feeling better when they feel crappy!  I did everything from reading aloud to doing trivia questions and puzzles to showing videos of our dog to playing music.  What this did was take his mind off of fear, depression, and pain.

So, there are two things going on here that I realized: 1) Our emotions have an effect on others and 2) positivity and optimism –plain ol’ feeling good– promote healing.

Sidenote:  Of course, the surgery, procedures, medicines, and expertise of the medical staff all played a significant role.  Absolutely an understatement.  But, after the major procedures were finished and he wasn’t improving for a couple of days, the most significant aspect was the love, kindness, and upliftment from others.  (And it wasn’t only me; many family, friends, and medical staff were positive, kind, and helpful, as well!)

First, regarding our emotions influencing others.  Have you ever been in a room when someone really upbeat entered and the whole feeling in the room shifted?  And surely you’ve noticed the power that charismatic people have on affecting others.  It’s actually been shown that emotions are contagious.  People unconsciously take on the feelings of others, especially those closer – physically and personally- to them.  Psychologists have studied this and even termed it, emotional contagion – humans synch their own emotions with those expressed by people around them.  It is primarily a subconscious, automatic process that takes place in the brain. It’s an instinct that goes back to caveman days when humans couldn’t rely on language to communicate their feelings.  Studies have shown that people automatically mimic and emotionally synchronize with another in a matter of milliseconds.

On the second realization, there are scientific studies that confirm the link between positive emotions and healing.  It’s been known that stress has major negative repercussions on the body.  Chronic stress releases too much cortisol and adrenaline that cause immune cells to not function properly.  On the flip side, it has also been found that positive emotions decrease these stress hormones and boost the immune system.  The positive, good-feeling emotions release endorphins -natural chemicals in our bodies- which enhance the immune response.

Interestingly, during the trauma, a part of me (ego) had felt guilty for being upbeat and positive.   My ego said I should be serious and show concern!  To the ego, it appeared like I didn’t care because I didn’t outwardly show worry.  Having these studies surely helps me now to know the ego’s way is not better for anyone.

Volumes can, and have been, written about these two phenomena.  The scientific studies validate what I personally saw before my very eyes and also assuaged my ego.  These are unquestionably invaluable and useful points to have gotten from a traumatic event.

Don has since told me that he really picked up on the strength, love, and joy I emitted and that it gave him hope.  Nice to have that personal validation, as well.

Postscript: Please know, if someone doesn’t improve physically, it does not mean it is our fault or because we weren’t “upbeat” enough.  Everyone has their own free will.  We cannot force someone to heal.  We merely offer the help and it is their choice what to do with it and there are countless factors that go into that personal decision.

Focus on the Many Things You Like (Not the One Thing You Don’t!)

The title of this post really says it all and is self-explanatory.  But, this concept was made crystal clear to me when I found myself focusing on one gift I received this holiday season that I didn’t like.  I had received so many wonderful gifts from various people and yet I was focusing on one “bad” gift.  This was only for a brief moment but it caught my attention.  Because this gift instance is a straight forward example, I was able to see the utter ridiculousness of putting our attention on what we don’t like or want.  Literally, surrounded by all these wonderful gifts and directing my attention at the one I didn’t like!

I realized how, as with the gifts, we have the choice to focus on one, or maybe even a few things, we don’t especially like or appreciate the multitude of other things we do like.  We can be (are!) surrounded by tons of good things – at times, they may seem like insignificant things, but they are good nonetheless – and miss them because we choose to emphasize the bad thing.

It’s pretty simple, so let’s not complicate it.  Do we want to dwell on the bad or good gifts?  What we put our attention and thoughts on determines how we feel.  The choice is ours.  (And remember, looking at the bad stuff won’t make it magically go away or improve.  See Law of Attraction and Joy)

What great gifts are all around you?

Be Happy When We Don’t Get What We Want!

I was feeling downright crappy when I didn’t get something that I really wanted.  After wallowing briefly, but intensely, I realized there must be some point to this.  With that non-judgmental thought, I opened to an insight.

It’s easy to be happy-go-lucky when we get everything we want and when things go our way.  As I mentioned in the last blog, during my Gratitude Experiment I realized I had to also be grateful when things didn’t go how I wanted.  This was one of those times – I had to be grateful –and also happy– despite not getting what I wanted.

Why?

Why be happy when we don’t get what we want?  Because things aren’t always going to go how we prefer.  Shit happens.  (Yes, even when we envision, go with the flow, pray, meditate, and connect to God.)  Being happy regardless of what we get or don’t get is the only way we can be in charge of our happiness; it’s the only way to not be victims of other people’s actions.  It’s the only way we can be free from having our feelings dictated by other people and circumstances.  They are our feelings.

If we are only happy when a specific outcome occurs, then we’re stuck; we’re dependent, we’re not free; we’re in emotional jail dependent on others to let us out.

Another reason is if we get stuck in a bad mood we won’t notice or appreciate when something good enters our lives, like a new opportunity or rendezvous with a helpful person or even merely the beauty that already surrounds us.  We won’t see these things because we’re too busy being dark, sad, pitiful, blaming others, going around saying how bad life is.  We can’t see the good stuff when we’re in ‘life sucks’ mode.

How?

How can we be happy when we don’t get what we want?  Let’s not pussyfoot around.  This can be difficult.  It can be excruciatingly painful when we don’t get what we want.  Everything inside us feels like we want to throw a 2 year old temper tantrum!  But, don’t do that.  Or rather, throw a momentary tantrum, get it all out and really let loose!  And then, accept things and get to the business of getting happy despite the circumstances.  Here’s some ideas:

  • Turn our focus on things we do like.
    • Say things like, ‘Even though I didn’t get x, I already have y which I enjoy.’
    • List random things that we like and appreciate.
    • Recognize that not getting this particular thing, didn’t take away all our other good stuff.
  • Deliberately look at what good came –or can come– from not getting this thing. This was highlighted in a previous post.  But, in a nutshell, when we know and see what we don’t want, we more clearly know what we do want. Also, we can see it as an opportunity for personal growth.  ‘What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger’ can be a corny adage, but it’s exceedingly true!  We can also learn what not to do or how to do something better from our or others’ mistakes or flaws.
  • Be aware that we can’t see the full picture. God may have bigger, better vision and objectives for us.  This “mishap” may lead to that.  We’ve got to remain open-minded, and not think we know the one and only thing or path that is best for us.  I love this parable on this subject:
This farmer had only one horse, and one day the horse ran away. The neighbors came to console him over his terrible loss. The farmer said, “What makes you think it is so terrible?”
A month later, the horse came home–this time bringing with her two beautiful wild horses. The neighbors became excited at the farmer’s good fortune. Such lovely strong horses! The farmer said, “What makes you think this is good fortune?”
The farmer’s son was thrown from one of the wild horses and broke his leg. All the neighbors were very distressed. Such bad luck! The farmer said, “What makes you think it is bad?”
A war came, and every able-bodied man was conscripted and sent into battle. Only the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg, remained. The neighbors congratulated the farmer. “What makes you think this is good?” said the farmer.

 

So, let’s not get fixated on what we think we “know for sure” will make us happy.  Allow some space in there for the Universe to work its magnificence.

Then, every time that crappy feeling comes back about not having what we want – and it probably will- do the above again and feel grateful for the opportunity given to feel true freedom.

30 Days of Gratitude (or…At Least A Few Days of Gratitude)

The last two posts were about a day without a negative aspect (complaining and judging) These were very enlightening experiments.  But now it’s time to focus more deeply on the positive side.  Previous posts have included the value of gratitude and appreciation, but lately I’ve become more aware of their incredible power.  And, more importantly, I’ve become more aware that I haven’t been doing them regularly!  Yea sure, I’ve been grateful for lots of stuff and I appreciate tons of things.  But honestly, it’s been kind of a hit or miss activity.  I do it when the mood strikes me or when I’m in pre-crisis mode and need it as an emotional emergency pick-me-up!

Noticing that I (still!) tend to focus a little on the what-is-lacking-in-my-life side, I decided to really get on the gratitude-appreciation bandwagon and see what happens.  There is a definite power in writing things down, like helping with focus and motivation.  And it also comes in handy for accountable reasons.  In other words, the ego can’t trick us by saying we already were thankful today, when we really weren’t (After looking on dated list: ‘Oh yea, that was yesterday…’).  So, I’ve got a piece of paper (a journal just sounds too formal and off-putting for now) and I’m writing down about 5 to 10 things every day that I am grateful for.  That’s it.  My aim is to do this for 30 days, but again, that sounds too formal.  I’m going to try it out for a few days (thus, the alternate title) and see how it goes.

Benefits of Gratitude and Appreciation

During the experiment I did some research about its possible benefits.  Studies have actually been done that show the beneficial effects of gratitude and appreciation.  People who consistently practice gratitude report feeling better physically, are less depressed, sleep better, are more understanding of others’ wrongdoings, have more self-worth, mental focus, and resilience.  Gratitude also helps us to stay in the present.  In other words, we spend less time worrying about future events.  When we are more focused on finding the good, we naturally spend less time in the negativity mindset.

Additionally, there is the law of attraction angle on gratitude and appreciate – what we focus on, we get more of.  To get more good stuff, appreciate what we already have.  Simple enough.

The Experiment

Back to the experiment!  After a couple of days, one of my first thoughts upon waking was that I couldn’t wait to write on my gratitude list.  That’s especially significant because, some mornings, I wake up dreading my day.  Having an initial feeling of excitement and joy is a major turn-around!

Shortly thereafter, I didn’t want to wait till the next day to write on it.  So, I wrote on it twice a day, then three times a day.  But under no pressure, only if I felt the urge.  I only “had” to write on it once a day.

Some neat things started to happen.  Nothing noticeable to an outsider, but small things that mattered a lot to me, like, less time with an irritating co-worker, getting well-priced deals, finding $1 and $10 on the ground, a small pay raise, life-changing insights, meaningful dreams, an overall more joyful feeling.

Another neat thing was that I had a dream about something to be grateful for that I hadn’t thought of in waking life.  This showed my waking self that the feeling and energy of gratitude was now in my subconscious, as well.  So even when I’m not actively thinking about gratitude, I’m thinking about gratitude.  This must be a good indicator!

Then, after several days of writing down heaps of material possessions, as well as, relationships and nature-type things –and even though it was certainly nowhere near all-encompassing– a shift in subject matter began to happen.  I shifted from obvious things for which to be grateful, to the people that had a part in assembling those things I was grateful for!  The factory workers that made my appliances, my car, my clothes, my electronic devices…pretty much every material thing I owned, somebody had a part in creating it.  Without their contribution, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy so many of my belongings.

Then there’s the people that came up with the ideas to invent something new or improved and those that started a business.  And gratitude for their courage to follow through with the ideas.  Then it extended to people that were providing a service, like the cleaning guy at work, trash collectors that come to my house every week, the postal carrier that nicely places oversized packages on my porch (extra appreciation since Amazon Prime!).  And then to authors, which I love and have been so inspired by, that had the strength and took the time to write, organize, and complete their books.  And then and then and then…so many people working for me, helping me.  Most of whom I do not even know.

I was recognizing that the Universe was supporting me, not hurting me or trying to make my life miserable.  This is a major shift in perception.

Amidst the gratitude, the ego chimed in and said, ‘That’s their jobs.  They aren’t doing it out of the kindness of their hearts.  They’re getting paid for it’.  Kaboom – my bubble burst.  But I quickly realized, their motives not need affect my gratitude.  And then got back to the experiment.

I started recognizing good things about myself, my appearance, things I was good at, and my strengths.  Then I noticed things I did not necessarily like about myself but was grateful for anyhow.  For instance, I was grateful for my fear of sending a professional email to a stranger regarding an article submission (that I so badly wanted to work out).  I was grateful for my fear because it provided me with an opportunity to feel worthy and courageous by facing a fear.

With this in mind, I then intentionally thought of situations that weren’t so great and then appreciated them, as well.  (I have done this practice before but, again, in a haphazard fashion.)  For instance, I was grateful for a “bad” event because it was an opportunity for personal growth and to learn from mistakes and flaws.  I was even grateful that someone had wronged me because it helped me get better at honoring myself.  Could being grateful be helpful in increasing self-worth?  I don’t fully understand the why of this, but the answer seems to be, yes!

I then had a glimpse of knowing that current things that weren’t so great would be okay eventually.  So I was able to have gratitude for “bad” times before they got better.  This led to gratitude for things that I currently desired but did not yet have.  I was appreciating them ahead of time.  That’s some trust and faith right there!

And after that, I experienced nirvana!  (Yes, let’s be overly dramatic about this!)  It was just a fleeting moment, but for that jiffy, I truly did not care about my desires.  I honestly was happy, satisfied, and content in the moment right then and there as things currently were.  No guilt about my past, no worry about the future, not wanting anything different than how it was in that exact instant.

And then my heavenly state was gone.  But, I could tell what was happening over the course of this experiment – my gratitude was becoming unconditional.  In that, there is total freedom because I don’t need conditions to be a certain way to be grateful for them or…to be happy.  What I have figured out from this gratitude experiment is that gratitude helps us to focus our thoughts, our attention, our lives on finding the good – unconditionally, no matter what.  As the Dalai Lama says in The Art of Happiness, “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions”.  The power is within ourselves whether to be grateful and happy, or not.  This experiment surely is proof of that.

Disclaimer!!  I don’t want to give a false impression that I am now impeccably blissful and every time a challenge comes up I am grateful for it from the get-go.  I still have my daily issues and concerns.  But, there has been an undeniable shift.  Something is certainly different than before I did the gratitude experiment.  And that’s why I’m going to extend the experiment.  If a mere 30 days had this effect, then what will continuing on do?  I intend to find out!

Don’t take my word for all of this.  Start your own Gratitude List Experiment today and see what happens for you.  No need to feel overwhelmed or intimidated by needing to list the unconditional things.  Just start out with a few material objects you appreciate having in your life.  Your list will expand naturally on its own.  Happy Gratituding!

A Complaint-Free Day

I was taking an online course from a much-loved author, Doreen Virtue.  She suggested to try to go 24 hours without complaining.  I thought it sounded like an interesting and exciting experiment; very doable, easy even.  I started that very moment.  But, why?  What exactly is the point of not complaining?

Complaining is a form of negativity.  Complaints focus on problems rather than solutions; on what we don’t want rather than what we appreciate.  When we complain, the Universe gives us more to complain about.

Our complaints may well be 100% true.  We’re not saying that what we are complaining about is not valid.  But because of our negative focus, we are literally creating more of what we do not want.  If we want love, health, and fun, complaining is simply not the route to the good stuff, regardless of whether the complaint is true or not.

To my surprise, within the hour I had a thought about something I did not want.  I told myself that that was not a complaint; I was just noticing something unwanted.  But really I knew it was just a tiny step away from an outright complaint. As time progressed and I had more “non-complaints”, I found myself justifying how these were not complaints, but simply facts.  For instance, my legs are sore (from excessive yard work) is just a statement of fact.  But, of course, behind that “fact” was a miserable feeling of pain.  In other words, a complaint!

That got me to thinking what exactly is a complaint?  According to dictionary.com, it is, “To express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault; to tell of one’s pains, ailments, etc.”

Oh boy.  I had definitely been complaining.  I would add to that definition that complaining is focusing on the negative, feeling victimized and powerless to change unwanted circumstances.  Important to note is that complaining doesn’t necessarily have to be expressed to someone.  It can be just our own internal thoughts.  We may not complain aloud, and so our ego may trick us into believing we are not complaining.

After accepting that I was indeed complaining, but still trying to defend these “non-complaint” statements to my husband and internally to myself, I asked why do I want to allow these statements?  What is to gain from complaining?

Personally, I felt as if I couldn’t function without them.  I needed them.  Complaining, in the form of venting, can actually be a sort of release of frustration or anger.  But there is an extremely fine line which, nine and a half times out of ten, gets crossed.  It can go from being (somewhat) helpful to toxic in the blink of an eye.

The next day I clearly saw how I used complaining as a sort of common ground or small talk with acquaintances.  She was complaining, so I complained back.  It gave me a feeling of connection to another.  It gave me a sense of security by having something to say to somebody with whom I didn’t have much in common.  At work, I perceived that it was a way to waste time or procrastinate.

I also noticed the more I complained, the more I drew to myself more complainers!  Complainers feed off of each other.  If we find ourselves in the company of complainers – or one person who complains a lot –that serves as a good wake-up call to our own state of complaining.

I also used complaining as a way to justify my rightness by pointing out what’s wrong with others or the government or the world….whomever, so long as “they” were wrong and I was right.

Another so-called benefit from complaining is to get sympathy from others.  Have you noticed it’s often the case when you offer a solution to someone who is complaining, they ignore it.  (Or maybe you are the one ignoring a suggested solution.) Usually complainers are not looking for a solution.  When we do not nurture ourselves we resort to looking for love and caring from external sources.  Complaining can be a way to get that from others.

Clearly the ego reaps different types of benefits from complaining.  But when scrutinized, these were not the type of benefits I wanted anymore.

How to stop complaining?

  • When we do complain (aloud or internally), don’t beat ourselves up. We are human so we are not going to be 100% complaint-free.  The goal of this exercise is to become more aware of how much we actually complain.  Not to point out how bad we are, but to rise above it.
  • Focus on things that make us feel good rather than on things that make us want to complain. For example, if we know a new law gets us riled up, don’t keep reading about it!  If we know someone that irritates us, don’t ask them to lunch!
  • Counter complaints with the positive side. For instance, with my sore legs complaint, I could counter with:  My legs are sore, but I really did a nice job on the yard.
  • Ask ourselves, what benefit are we getting from this particular complaint? Then ask if it is worth all the negative sludge that comes with the benefit? For example, was it worth it for me to feel secure and connected to that acquaintance of mine?  No, because I don’t want a connection based on negativity and I don’t need to talk just for the sake of talking. If the benefit is sympathy, then we know we need to put more focus on nurturing ourselves.
  • Ask ourselves, is there something we can change regarding the subject of this complaint? If yes, then do it.  If not, then say a prayer or affirmation and move on.
  • If we are complaining to vent, find another way to let off steam. Exercise, scream in our car or home alone (this one is sure to make us laugh too!), write it down and then tear or burn it, take deep breaths and ask God/Divine Beings to help us let it go.

There’s always going to be things we don’t like and to complain about.  Even if we get our personal lives to the point of being 99.99% to our satisfaction, there will inevitably be something in the world at large with which we could complain about.  The point isn’t to make the outer world and circumstances perfect.  But rather, to be aware that we have the capability to choose our personal thoughts, words, and actions which will make all the difference in terms of our happiness.  When we are happy, those around us will be happier, or at least, they will have a better chance to be happier.  For sure, nobody will be happier around a complainer, including ourselves.

Visualization and Imagery

Back in football season, I saw a playoff game where a field goal would have won the game for that team.  An ordinary field goal that the kicker had made many times.  It wasn’t like it was longer than what he was used to or had never done before.  Basically it was a run of the mill play for him.  However, he did not make it this time.  And it wasn’t because of a block from another player.  In other words, it was not missed due to any physical reason.  It was only missed because of his own thoughts.  Our thoughts can help us or hurt us.  It’s our choice.

One way we can utilize our thoughts to our benefit is through visualization.  This is the technique where we mentally visualize something that we want.  To continue with the sports theme, athletes have been using visualization for years.  In the 1980s, Russians studied Olympic athletes who mentally rehearsed (aka, visualized) their sport.  They found that the performance of those that included visualization exceeded those that did not include visualization as part of their practice.

Various other studies have compared three groups of people: those that lift weights, those that visualize lifting weights and those that do neither.  Of course, the weight lifters increased strength and the couch potatoes didn’t.  But the astonishing finding is that the visualizers also increased their muscle strength.  Actual muscle strength can be increased by only visualizing lifting weights.  By only visualizing it!

Further studies have shown that the autonomic nervous system is triggered by mental visualizations of the athletes’ sporting activities which then led to increased physical performance.  In other words, to the body, it doesn’t matter if it is real or imagined.  You’ve probably experienced this yourself:  Ever wake up from a nightmare with an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, or sweating?  It certainly wasn’t from your body physically moving.  It was only from your mind!

Professional athletes today are using imagery as opposed to visualization because it also has been found that using all the senses – not just visual – boost performance.  They say the more they can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell the event, the more it improves their performance.  And the research shows that it only takes a few minutes a day to have an effect.

You are probably saying at this point, ‘Fascinating, but I’m not an athlete so what’s this got to do with me?’  The point is that this research with athletes has proven the power of visualization and imagery to help us achieve things in the physical.  This is incredibly amazing and powerful data that can be extended from physical conditioning of our bodies to any physical object, event, or circumstance that we want.

How to Visualize

First of all, visualizing is not difficult.  Egos usually tell us, we aren’t able to do it.  But, it’s just not practiced.  It’s not something most of us do regularly so we think it is a tough task.  The more we practice it though, the easier – and more fun! – it becomes.

Imagine something, anything you can dream up.  Not as you think it should be or as others would want it to be. (Nobody will judge you because this is all you.  You don’t have to tell a soul what you are imagining.)  It can be what you believe is a far-fetched dream or something more plausible to you.  The subject could be anything from physical conditioning, health, relationship, a material object, feeling more meaning and purpose, to helping others.  When your ego comes in and offers negativity (‘that could never happen’ or ’that’s dumb’, etc.), gently dismiss it.  If it persists, then you know it is time to end the session.

For only 5-10 minutes every day or so, see, feel, taste, smell, and hear the details of your dream.  Be in it, rather than watching it like a movie.  Here’s some random examples:

A new car:  See the car.  See the color of it inside and out.  Smell that new car smell.  Hear the sound of the engine.  The feel of the seat as you sit down.  Hear the friend talking to you who is in the car with you, etc.

Running a mile or 10 miles or a marathon: See yourself in your workout clothes.  Imagine your route and every detail you know about it.  See where you cross a street, pass a particular building.  Feel your breathing becoming more labored and imagine taking a deep, helpful breath.  Smell your sweat (ha!).  See yourself finishing the route and feel the feeling of being so proud of yourself.

Getting the idea of this?  Note that we’re not trying to fix something in our visualizations.  For example, we’re not taking a relationship with problems and working to find solutions.  We’re not trying to solve a problem of the world.  Visualization time should be pure enjoyment and fun!

We also visualize what we want so that these things do not feel so foreign or unlikely.  It helps us get used to the idea of them.  The more we visualize and feel them in our minds, the more they will seem likely to us to happen in physical reality.  Remember, our minds do not know if we are just imagining something or doing it in the physical.  So the more we imagine something, the more it will seem like the next logical step in “real” life.  It will not be an out-of-the-blue, crazy idea, because you have been feeling like you were already doing it.

Be careful not to then feel bad in your “real” life when you look at what is or isn’t, compared to what you visualized.  Be patient with the manifestation of your desires; all in divine time.  Turning your focus to appreciation of the things you currently do have in your life is an excellent way to stop the frustration of seeing what is lacking. When you do start to see the desires manifesting, then acknowledge and be appreciative of them, as well.

Try it out and see what manifests for you!